2 tix to the Big Wheel

I've said this before and yes, I wanna say it again here. Humans are but emotional creatures. This is very true for me. This roller coaster ride of life.. I'm affected. Up! up! up! Weeee!... Do0o0owns.. :( and dun forget the 360degree twirls. Those are the best. Situations which happen so sudden, they turn ur life upside down, although not so literally in this case but you get what I mean yah. Those crossjunctions. Here or there? Right or left? This path or that? Or maybe, both paths are dark and not suitable for you to take either but you're so caught up with the feeling at the moment that you're swayed to make that decision... Or worse, maybe, just maybe the old path is the correct way for you but you just didn't try when given that second chance. (think you may have sense this now, I'm not the most confident and optimistic of ppl :S I'm just being honest with my thoughts...) But have to add here that most times, those sudden changes turn ur past upside-down life, right side up again. =) There's hikmah in e-ve-rything that happens. Think about it. Allah Is Most Merciful. Change happens all the time, to everyone. Change is good and necessary. But there is that uncertainty with every change that happens, we call this feeling "DOUBT". I don't like doubt. I'm not a risk taker, I just wanna be sure or at least confident of my actions are true and correct.. I prefer the ferris wheel now... Round and round we go.. A calm and refreshing ride indeed. Pening jugak ah but I'll take it! Don't think it will cause as much convulsion as the rollercoaster. So 2 tix for the Big Wheel plsssss!!... hahaa!

Doubt goes hand in hand with "FEAR". And fear strikes into the heart of just about anything with a pulse. At this moment in my life, doubt is holding my left hand and fear is on my right. Ya Allah. Berikanlah petunjuk kepada hambaMu ini. I need YOUR guidance Oh Allah! Only YOU Know what lies ahead for this servant.. Aku mohon Ya Allah, dekatkanlah padaku apa yang baik utkku, dan jauhkanlah pula apa yg tidak baik untukku. Sesungguhnya Engkaulah Yang Maha Mengetahui akan segala-galanya, ya Tuhanku. Amin. To all those reading this (a grand total of 2 ppl i think. hahaa!) pls insert doa' here ->________________. Amin. Thanks guys.. Jazakallah khair. Ngan doa2 ikan di laut,semut2,pokok2... InsyAllah. *wink*.tee hee..

Sometimes new beginning stir up past ends. ............................... Dun wish to elaborate here but let's just say "BIG shoes to fill"... Insya Allah Shah, you can do it! Yeah! heee.. With Allah swt on your side, you can do just about anything. Insya Allah. Eeerr...the fear's creeping in again as I'm typing this... Dang it! What am I so scared about?! Pft! Maybe the uncertainties is overwhelming or the confidence level is just tooooooo low. I've got issues. I need to act prouder. At least a lil' bit laaa... hee... First impressions counts but the the true you is the one that lasts the test of time. I'm happy with being me but I tend to downplay my plus points. And I DO have plus points okay?. heee.. ahem.. dah proud dah. Hahaa.. But seriously, I'm not trying to preject humility here.. No. But rather I think this is what pyschiatrists label as plain low self-esteem. Sad sey Shah. sigh... hahaa.. I need to work on this, I know. Bad habit! tsk. Kaaay..enuf of that.. :S With guidance from HIM, I know I can perform my future duties ngan baik dan sempurna, Insya Allah. No worries. Easy does it. :)

I have so many entries saved only as drafts. I pretty much wanna post them up here but decided against to. Hmmm.. Very personal stuff. Classified information. I can share, and you can read but I'd have to kill you after. Sheeeeeesh.. Only for my eyes for now. Dun even know why I'm mentioning those drafts here if I'm not sharing but... I dunno. I'm just happy laa. hahaa!

Insya Allah, I ask Allah for this happy feeling to envelope me for a long time ahead.
Grow old with you? I'd like that very much.

sweet treats. sweeter memories. Thank you!


p/s: Shem just inform me of something excellent. Expect a mini-Shem soon. Alhamdulillah!! Rezeki Allah.
I shall write about that once she pass me the baby's ultra scanshots i think. =)

Moments of ALLAH

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If Allah brings you to it, HE will bring you through it.

Happy moments; praise Allah.

Difficult moments, seek Allah.

Quiet moments; worship Allah.

Painful moments; trust Allah.

Every moment; thank Allah.


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I can finally breathe a sigh of relief. Lega tak terhingga. Phew! :) Tapi kan, this feeling of relief is for one of the uncertainties which has been answered for me. Even so, I'm grateful. Alhamdulillah! Awak, if you're reading this, I wanna thank you again. Saya teramat bersyukur. Allah taa'la sajer yang tau perasaan saya when you said all those words I so wanted to hear. Ish... heeee.... Ahem. To all my kengkawan yg happen to know this page o' mine, pls think of me in your prayers. Bukannyer nak menyelit tapi, seriously, tolong doakan tuk kebahagiaan kawan korang yg satu ni ek. Insya Allah....Amin.

-u make me smile-

= When any of you eats, he should eat with his right hand and when he drinks he should drink with his right hand. =
(Muslim). (Sayings of Muhammad SAW. by Prof. Ghazi Ahmad).
i shall remember this one. very2 special.

Thank YOU!

It's 11.17pm and I've decided to hit the sack at 12. So I'm gonna make this short. I'll try to make this short. hee...
7 days' memories cramped into this 1 entry. Why? Because my shoulder finally decides to gimme a much needed break thus enabling me to type with substantially lesser pain. So without wasting vital sleeping time, here goes..

April baby, dat's me =)

This has been quite a week. Painful, happy, touching and enlightening to say the least. I have been absent from work for 6 days. 6 days! And to think I just came back from CGH to get jabbed on my.. nvr u mind.. :S I was then given yet another 2 days MC! I need the off days to rest my arm but I can't help to worry that "ppl at work" might realise that I am indeed dispensable and decide not to renew my contract aft all. :s Aaah!.. Worrying is but a time-waster. So, me no care. I just wanna get better. I wanna be able to dokong all of my 3 children when I have them one day, Insya Allah. It's already affecting my life at the moment and it's not fun. Well, below is a simpulan :) to this memorable week and that long walk to remember. hee..

I am fortunate, I know this. Alhamdulillah! All praises belong to Allah. I'm surrounded by people who cares for me truly and I must say I am overwhelmed with appreciation and syukur thus this particular entry.

The day kinda jumpstarted for me with an appointment to meet an ex-colleague who also happens to be such a dear friend. GarGar, I always knew u were a thoughtful person before but I think you've outdone yourself yesterday. And yes, I have to agree with you. You just need to add "su" to Edgar, and wahla! you get SuGar. Sweetness. haha! Just the thought that you can remember my birthdate and to get to meet up with you is awesome enough. The gift is just icing on the birthdaycake, really. Thank YOU! I love it. Precious moments indeed. :)

Do not be fooled by that fake smile o' mine. I was genuinely touched. He actually came all the way down to pass me the figurine pictured above. If that doesn't "touch" you, you have a heart o' stone. Simple. :p Thanks GarGar!

Ode to my PCDs now. No birthday treat is too simple coming from you guys. Even if it's just a slice of a whole cake, I still appreciate it coz it's from you ppl.I appreciate the treat, Shem, Kek, Ah Lynn and of course, not forgetting Ramdzan. Thanks you guys. Dol, even tho you couldn't make it, want u to know I appreciate you too. Wish u were there.. But thanks for remembering all the same. Much much love!

"Ppl at work" presented me with a gift too! Now this is too much for me to handle. If it's just a normal gift, a simple thank you to all 17 ppl who contributed should suffice I think but when you're presented with ........... .
... an item that you were eyeing for your next payday and has quite a $tag to it, saying thank you just doesn't cut it I think. You gotta go 1)Alhamdulillah!,2)Wow!,3)thank you, and then 4)serve nasi minyak to all those ppl in return. All these in random order. I have the best mum in the world! She was the one who volunteered the lunch idea and to me, that's just brilliant. If I can be even 1% of my mum to my future kids, dah kira ok sgt tu.
Moga Allah taa'la panjangkan umur ibu bapaku. Amin.

Even Dhil took the trouble to come down to meet me. Thanks eh Dhil. :)

Thank YOU all for the kind words, the pressies, the kind gestures and even for having me in your thoughts to have remembered my birthday in the 1st place. I can only say thanks in return.

Before I end this, I wanna highlight a new found friend o'mine. Thank you for allowing me to monopolise your last off day by accompanying me the whole of my birthday. You know who you are. :)You were great company and I enjoyed the becokness btwn us.Haha! But that day, I kinda felt you were on self-entertained mode for a while (hee..) coz I coudn't be more involved in our talks as much as I would like to coz of the constant sharp pain. But I didn't mind at all u talk. I enjoy listening. You're like a walking kamus, ya know that. haha! But I really hope you weren't irritated by my whining. And awak, i thank you for your honesty, really. Strictly P&C ok. It doesn't change anything except make things clearer btwn us. Just want you to know that. Keep moving forward but do not ever forget the past. It helps us to remain focus on days the iman is low... And thanks for the ice-cream treat. Finally seh.haha!! I'm kidding. :p But to think that that was my first time.. Special sungguh. :) Thanks eh wak. But seriously, Thank YOU for being my friend too. The feeling is mutual.
I am so grateful..... Alhamdulillah.

~Allah selamatkan aishah... Amin.~
~Allah selamatkan Nora...... Amin ~
(Sis and I share the same birthdate! How cool is that?! near-miss twins)

p/s: conclusion to this lengthy simpulan at 2am. Tersimpul-simpul jadiknyer.. Hee.. Just had an intense "convo" with someone and I just have to selit this before I call it a day. Like a friend once said before, "kiter lei plan ajer tapi Allah Taa'la Yang mengconfirmkan. So true. Insya Allah eh. Kalau diizinkan, direstui, panjang umur, Insya Allah. Mesti K nyer.. Ish... Hahaaa!! ;)

Whatever happens, happens for a good reason and Allah Knows best.

I'll be okay... :)

Happee burfday Kek! (we are but a "depressed" bunch)

I gotta put it on record that I simply adore the band which hails from Indon, UNGU. Ok banget deh. Andaiku Tahu is playing in the airwaves as I'm typing this. Such bliss. Gue amat bangga sih ngan mereka.. Ahem. heehee.. We need more bands like 'em. I enjoy Peter Pan, Dewa, Slank and the likes but UNGU's special for obvious reasons. They're currently on my top 10 on 10 list of favourite bands. A close second is REM. :) Dhil told me not to buy the CD as he will get it for me soon Insya Allah. Dhil, if you're reading this, just want you to know that you're a good friend with or w/o the CD. I appreciate the gesture and I wish all the goodness that you deserve coz you are a good person (I tell you this many times coz I really believe this about you) and I'm thankful we're still friends even after all that has happened or in our case, after all that has not happened btwn us. Everything happens for a good reason. Hanya Allah ta'ala sajer Yang tahu.. ......................................... : ( ..............................

The girls and I jadik orang pulau yesterday. Haha.. We kinda had a pasang-siap picnic for Kek at P Ris beach. It was kinda an unofficial bday gathering for her coz kek's actual bdate is on the 9th. Mar gorenged some mee and I just bought satay.(I cannot cook to save my own life. sigh..) As for Linnie, she had to carry 'em all. Haha! As Lyn only contributed by bringing her "teka-teki specialist" aka "Pika" aka her daughter, she had the task of carrying the load. Hahaa! Takmu marah ek girlfwen. Fair pe. Shem can't possible carry heavy loads as she is....well, a Mak Yong at the moment and I have my shoulder injury to take care of so.. thanks eh lyn. Ko lah sahabat. *wink* We actually had quite a spread for a last-minute picnic arrangement. I cannot contain the bangganess I'm feeling now. Heehee.. Kental nyer Shah. :p

Food galore! Complete with kicap for the spicy mee (red bottle in centre). Thank you Shem!

I dunno how Kek felt exactly, but if I were her, I'd be touched to tears. (Yes. I am dat cengeng.) It was an awesome night. A particular friend who asked me about the weather earlier in the day came to mind when I looked up and saw the red sky, threatening us with rain. It turned out to be a blank threat as the red sky cleared soon enough.. Alhamdulillah. I enjoyed myself truly. Chillin' out with ppl you care about. Gazing at them stars twinklin'. There is this other person who is also a member of our Care & Share club but she kinda MIAed on us. Couldn't make it due to whatever her reasons might be. Kinda miss Dol as I'm typing this. Dol...Dol.... Come back dol. Come back. Hmmm.. Though you drama, without you, PCD would just be PC. Now that's just plain sad. Anyways, initial plan was to also enjoy the audio Kek brought along but cannot make it lah coz ada jer story yang nak diciterkan so there really wasn't any silent time. Becok..Becok.. Talking, eating, cackling, eating, riddling, eating. hee... Pika cute ah. She's a mini-lyn, really. I can see that she's gonna be as funny as her mama is and great company for her friends when she grows up. As the host of the night and being the self-declared "teka-teki specialist", she did a well-done job. We were entertained. :D I've gotta include the riddle here which actually managed to crack me up.

Pika: dalam banyak2 binatang, binatang apa yang tak datang when Tarzan pekik o0o0oo0o?
us: entah eh. Give up. :(
Pika: Badak! Pasal dia pekak badak. Tak leh dengar tarzan panggil. Kesian..
me: Bwahaaahaa! (genuine cracking up) Power ah Pika. :D Patut pon dier specialist.. :)

8.30pm:

8.33pm: haha!!

Dah lah anaknyer teka-teki specialist, maknyer lak dating specialist. Dating specialist tak bertauliah. Hmph! The day has come when Ah Lynn decided that she has a calon for me. Lyn's so funny. (iye Lynn.. Aku ngah tersenggih ni Lynn) Sigh... She proceeded to tell me more about the calon and I proceeded to laugh some more. I then barraged her with questions about the candidate. She answered all but one. And that question, to me, was the vital one. If he cannot satisfy that particular requirement, then I can only foresee us being platonic friends. She has yet to revert but I think I already know the answer... My sis once told me to stop being choosy but I beg to differ. She could not be more wrong. I'm not choosy, kak. I'm simply......lazy. Haha. Really I am. Help me find one. Find out more about him by scanning his tapak kaki (lynn said the barcode is usually there :S) and if you think that he may be the one for me, who am I to disagree with you? hahaa! Rabak sey Shah. Pe-ma-las. I find the whole dating game a big mess. Organised chaos, if you will. The mixed signals, the formalities, it's just an alternate word for "headache". Maybe I've mellowed down over the years or maybe the fact that I've invested a lot in my past BGR and it has come to nought, makes me the bo-chap person that I am today. I feel drained. Why can't it be simpler? I insert here an example for you: I like you. You like me too? Huh, really? U sure? You are sober right? heee... Ok then. Alhamdulillah. Now let's move on to step 2... Something like that.
But I know life is not obvious black and white. It's dull gray, bright orange, dirty yellow, muddy brown, etc all mixed together. That makes life colourful and interesting but also colourfully confusing for blurblur ppl like yours truly. Presently, I'm often worried that I may seem overly eager to my new found friends. I feel I'm a sarcastically direct, goofy and loud by nature kinda person. Oh yah, I need to add "easily excited and kecoh" :S to the list also. Nothing wrong with that coz these are the traits that make me ME but I keep wondering what must he be thinking when I make that stupid face or that lame statement.. Know what, I realised I can just delete the whole paragraph above by using one descriptive word "insecure". Lerrr.. Susah sgt nak cakap. Hahaa!

Me with my match-maker. =) scareeee.. Backdrop power ah.

Ah lynn, you're still my dating specialist but dun hold your breath k. If it happens, Insya Allah it happens. But if it doesn't, I appreciate the kind assistance all the same.. This entry's supposed to be about kek's unofficial bday bash tapi balik² psal matter of my lonesome heart. Sib baik lah this is my page, so that means I can write about anything I want - even if it means the same boring topic yet again. yeahaha. :P

Back to the picnic. I'll let the pictures do the rest of the talking. Think I've said much already.. hee... Bottom line, it really was an attempt for Kek and Linnie to cheer up. Judging by the pictures below, mission accomplished, I think.

Pika the official cameragirl for the event. Skill. :)

Us on the 8-little-men tent. =)

a klasik kase of kentalness.

hee.. hee. Peace out!

p/s: Oleh kerana saya ni tersangatlah long-winded, saya rasa ada patutnya saya keratkan entry ini khusus buat gambar² yg dipetik hari itu. To be continued ey...

-II What a Wonderful Wednesday II-

I cherish my weekdays off. Such peace. The carparks are empty (not does it affect me but I like the fact that every missing car is yet another person who's at work when I'm not. haha!), Whitesands was so dead at 10am and Tampines was considered ghost town compared to it's normal 6pm jam-packed crowd. I like! :D

Went for much needed acupuncture at 11morn. Syukur Alhamdulillah. Ada jugak rezki..
Tapi ada ke patut kena marah ngan acupuncturist/doctor/nyonya. "Awak dtg 2 bulan lepas, takda guna punya. Macam mana nak bayek? Kalau masih sakit, datang lah. Jgn tunggu 2 bulan. Paham?" :S Eh nyonya ni. Nak explain ngan dier pon tak gunakan, so ok kan dier je lah. Sigh.. Nya~~ Nya~~ Andai kau tahu. haahaa.. (selit shah, selit) I think she punctured me with 8 needles all on my right arm, from the neck down. Wanted to look and take a quick snapshot of my porcupined self but decided against it least I'd break a needle or something. Aching shoulder and a metal pin lodged in my neck? No thank you.
After 20 or so minutes I feel so0o much better. The shoulder's fine but the neck still hurts a bit. Oh well, I take whatever relief I can get. Planning to go again soon. I wanna go get acupunctured everyday in fact but cannot lah ah. Too much of a good thing is bad. Doc did prescribe some pretty looking red-coloured pills to pop at noon and a stinkin' concoction which only looked like cough syrup but smells very bad. Dun even get me started on how it tastes... Simply eeeeeeew. But nak bayek nye psal, bo pian ah. Gulp! Doc did confirm the ingredients are purely herbs so ditanggung halal lah. heee.. To go once weekly is $120. Dat's fair I guess, but see how lah coz I still have physio scheduled at CGH in May.

After the session, I brisked the area and struck off items from my shopping list with ease. Shampoo needs replenishing. The upside of living in mature neighbourhoods like Tampines is that you have all these sinseh shops which sell toiletries at cheap ass prices. (Another one is Toa Payoh) Not all lah lah but I have taken note of 1 shop in particular. All I've got to do now is to remember how to get there. :p

Every minute counts when it's your day off, so either you have a serious chill out day and do absolutely nothing so you can recuperate or you go about being busy and strike off your to-do list after getting each one done. That wunnerful Wednesday was a bit of both really. I went to acupuncture and bought items from my shopping list. Both are considered errands struck off from list but in the evening, I wanted some entertainment. Been wanting to watch 300 for quite a while even after hearing about the supposed political plot. I'd rather watch and decide for myself. (Glad I didn't catch it with my new-found friend- it would be so awkward. There was a scene that kinda pissed me off but I try not to think so much about it. Babel 's worse. The whole story line managed to piss me off) My bro wanted to tag along to catch the movie too. Even though he has watched it before, he still wants to again "with an open-mind this time, just to enjoy the visual". He would only agree to tag along but on one small condition, I had to pay for his tix. Waaaat?? saper nak ikot saper ni? But it's ok. I enjoy bro's company especially in these times of solitude. (bang, hope you're not reading this. If you are, get outta here. I'm serious) He's not the best of brothers (neither I am a model small sister myself) but I wouldn't want any other person as me bro. Aaaaww.. This goes for my sis too. Couldn't stand her growing up as we were 2 very different persons. She was the pretty, hee hee kinda girl while I was the tomboy, wahahaaha kinda daughter. Alhamdulillah. I can see why mak favours her growing up. I used to resent that but now she's my favourite too. Not that I have a choice. She's my only sis. :p Sis and I fought a lot but bro and I didn't talk for years over I some petty quarrel which I cannot even remember now. I'm guessing my rebellious lifestyle before had something to do with it but oh well, keep moving forward ha.) I caught the anime Meet The Robinsons a week before. "Keep Moving Forward" Good show.) I've decided to watch 1 more last movie this month. (Too many movies already. I need to get meself a new past-time.) I wanna go alone this time round. The 1st time I experienced movie solo was a year ago I think - Passion Of the Christ. It felt like a blind date for a while coz I was seated to an ah pek who was also watching the movie alone. I wasn't bothered seating next to him till he opened his mouth to comment on the movie to me. He did it twice and I smiled twice. Luckily he didn't bother me third time coz I would have told him to cut it out. Defeats the purpose of going alone I tell ya. Nvm the ah pek, I cried my eyes out watching the movie. But thinking back, I can't be sure if I would have reacted the same way if a young pleasant looking malay guy was seated beside me instead and wanted to comment on the movie with me. I would have entertained his comments and maybe even encouraged him to comment more. Hahaha! Siao.

I love blabbing. Menceceh je Shah. Heeeee....Maybe the fact that I'm single mingle now has got to do with how much idle time I have thus all these long-winded entries. I dunno. I can only find out whether this is genuine passion for blabbing when I'm committed to someone one day Insya Allah. I'm a person who's needy in love ("needy in love? oh man, you're so weak" Please. Nothing wrong with being needy in love. What is wrong is that you deny you're the sort when you know yourself that you are... This subject is a blog entry in itself. I shall write about it soon I think.) As I was saying, maybe I wouldn't have much free time when I'm attached coz I'm needy but if I really enjoy writing, I would make time for it now wouldn't I? I think i would but i can't be certain. Maybe this is just a blogging phase for me, who knows. But i plan to "maintain" and not be so gung-ho in my next BGR so maybe things wouldn't drastically change after all. Only Allah taa'la knows what lies ahead for me. But sometimes I just feel like taking a quick peek if I could. haha.. Everyone else wants to also I'm sure. :S

Next off days are 14,15,16 and Insya Allah 17 if "ppl at work" approves it. Tak fair fair really but it's Ok. Long rest. Much deserved I must add. I'm counting down dates already....

p/s: i need to add colour to this spot. Expect pictures.

UNGU is my favourite colour

andai kutahu
kapan tiba ajalku
ku akan memohon Tuhan tolong panjangkan umurku

andai kutahu
kapan tiba masaku
ku akan memohon Tuhan jangan Kau ambil nyawaku

aku takut akan semua dosa dosaku
aku takut dosa yang terus membayangiku

andai kutahu malaikatMu kan menjemputku
izinkan aku mengucapkan kata tobat padaMu

ampuni aku
dari segala dosa dosaku
ampuni aku
menangisku bertobat padaMu

aku manusia yang takut neraka
namun aku juga tak pantas di surga

UngU