Happiness is egg-shaped

Just watched Adaptation on TV. Think the TV ppl or "programme schedulers" or whatever they call themselves intentionally arrange good movies to air on late Sunday nights just for the fun of it knowing full well in the early morning of the very next day is a working day. TH. Either you sleep early and be all perky and energetic for work or you catch that good and entertaining show but risk sleep-working in a few hrs. They do this all the time. Sadistic baffoons. I can see my zombie self already... :s

Story's about a screenwriter (N Cage) who's trying to adapt a book on orchids and got to know more abt himself as a person while at it. The orchid is just a prop I guess that gels the characters together. I can see similarity to the story Sideways but they chose wine as their prop of choice in that one. 40 minutes to the movie, M Streep's character, the author of the orchid book, said this, "...I wanna know how it feels to care about something passionately....... because it whittles the world down to a more manageable size." It struck a chord in me so strong I nodded my head in agreement like the love-sick fool that I am without realising. Words right outta my mouth although my exact words wouldn't be so eloquently put. I zoned out a couple o'times while watching coz I kept thinking on the meaning of that particular line to me but I eventually drift back in focus esp when they cut to commercials which was more times than necessary. (irritating TV ppl)

Before I go on, I feel I'm risking my privacy here. The thing about writing down your thoughts and posting em' up (also more popular referred to as "blogging" but I've never liked that term. Like many others, I agree it's overrated and overused, thus I will only use it this once to make my point.) is everyone or anyone who reads this blah, can and will know my intimate feelings, thoughts and opinions on anything I decide on to be "topic of the day". I shudder every time I imagine a friend I've lost touched with or a person whom I ignore by choice and decide to move on from from reading this. My dear Kek once told me she enjoyed reading my random rants but she added my writings can be rather personal. But that's just me, see. Stuff I say sometimes, others would think it should be a kept secret but I would have a "but why?" face when they tell me that. It's not a big deal to me. I can't think of an example to insert here now so you've just got to take my word. Not that you have a choice... I go through the entries I've posted so far and I dun think I've crossed that privacy line. At least not yet. Not until this post here. Gulp!

You gotta understand, I write not to entertain. That is not at the top of my list and not a primary concern, although I must say "100 points added!!" to me if i remotely manage to keep you folks coming back here coz u like what i post or you and can relate to what i have to say or ur just plain freakin' bored (that's very likely the case, i know). Oh well.. More importantly, I write to understand myself. I'm all over the place when I talk but I find that I'm more composed and can express what i truly mean by jotting words down. (Think the backspace key has a lot to do with it.) I'm hoping this thing here will grow old with me and can be a read (an entertaining read, no less ;) for my children when I do have them one day, Insya Allah. I can already hear them say, "So this is how mum was as a 26 yr old. She seemed lost..." heeehee...
All that I've jotted down so far are by far the most personal I've ever been and I kinda feel violated when the ppl who are not supposed to, reads this. I'm not bothered if a stranger's here because well, he doesn't know me. Period. His comments thus, dun matter. Totally different ball game if an ex-friend's here though. The acquaintance, no matter how brief, most probably have met me and an initial impression has already been imprinted in their mind of me, good or bad. This page here, I think, will somehow add on to that initial impression. I dun want that. Befriend me the orthodox way if you want to. I reckon we're gonna be best of buddies from whatever's posted here, so I ask you to do me this favour if a) you are a friend I've lost touched with or b) a person whom I ignore by choice and decide to move on from, please dun try to read me like a blog. ( I couldn't help myself. Last time. I promise :P) If we do bump into each other in the future, spare us both the awkwardness by not behaving like we just hung out together the day before ok. Just coz you happen to know the link to this page here, thus giving you full access to my life in virtualand, doesn't mean you know the real, living me. Even though I'm a no big deal kinda person, I still do keep some stuff sacred. Now that that's stated and off my chest, let's proceed. (Phew! i can be so long winded sometimes. Ok, make that most times.)

Commercial's over and the movie resumes. (Power ah. The art of "selit". It's an acquired skill. heehee..) I can't say I fully understood the movie though. The script was so excellently written that I kept hanging on to each beautifully choreagraphed sentence and got distracted because of it. Either that or the movie was cheem and and I'm too slow. I give a thumb's up for the movie which manages to provoke thought (like I dun have enough if it already) and the script is good. Don't matter whether there's a lack of jam-packed action or graphics, digitally enhanced, shots. Talk. Talk all you want, I love to listen. So Adaptation's ok, Ghost Rider is not. (except for the 4 cool villain characters which could have saved the movie for me but the way they were disposed of.... Ghost Rider is still a NOT.)
Personal preferance I suppose. That's what makes us different. Different like the rest. hmmm..

If given the choice, I would like to already know who is this person that's to be my someone special. To just be with that person who agrees to care for me and I him. Being single's OK but being in a relationship you've mutually agree to commit in, takes away most of the unnecessary unknowns. Maybe I've forgotten how to or maybe it just got harder 5 years on but I dun think I'm playing this whole dating game right. To be fair, I've never really dated. The persons I was with before were never self-found rather, introduced by mutual friends. So you would understand how clueless i am bout the whole process.

Firstly, I'm not a willing player. How I would love to just skip the whole awkward introductory, full of formality phase and just be with that someone who at least share the same interest and goals in this life. Dun care much for falling in love. InsyaAllah the love part will grow as it is one of the strongest emotions we possess and being mere humans, we are but emotional creatures. Emotions so strong that we tend to act on how we feel. Most times, our initial feelings deceive us and we'll feel yet another emotion because of how we reacted; regret. Personally, i find regret to be the most useful. By feeling this, we need to make a more conscious effort not to repeat the act done before in order to grow in the right direction, as per the compass, Islam. :)

Kek and I had this talk before months ago (love ya, kek) and I told her, from past experience, I would rather fall in care rather than fall in love. I feel this even more now.

Picture perfect: To mutually agree to be with someone so you can finally block other "possibilities" and just focus on this person. To stay loyal to one. To care and be taken care of by that one. To live this life simply together and to hold each other's hand to guide each other in this life which is temporary and short for a more promising life together in the here-after, insya Allah.

"I wanna know how it feels to care about something passionately....... because it whittles the world down to a more manageable size."
My sentiments exactly.

As I was saying...

I've been saving this draft for months. As a sign of respect to arwah Ayu, I decided it wasn't the most appropriate of time to post an entry so joyful and memorable to me that is Hari Raya Aidil Adha which fell on 31/12/2006 - the very same day arwah left us. It has been months now and life for the living continues. But I would like for us to pause and say Al-Fateha for arwah Ayu before I continue on. Let's keep her in our hearts and our prayers. (I appeal for you to do the same when it's my turn to meet our Maker.) Now where's that tissue?....

The day when I tried to finally post this saved entry, Friendster decided not to co-operate thus rudely interrupting my thoughts. The page went kaput and I couldn't retrieve it after. That kindda broke the camel's back and also my spirit of ever writing anywhere powered by Friendster blogs again, so that's why we are here.... That's why we are heeere.... That's why we are here.... ;-)
(the only part i know from that song by Enigma. heee.. Sing with me ppl!)
K k, back to topic at hand.

<-- BaaBaa here has eyes blue like the ocean!

The family and I initally planned to go up Melaka to celebrate Aidil Adha there. What a brilliant idea because 1) the last I've been to Melaka (or anywhere for that matter) was once upon a time ago 2) we have the opportunity to have the celebrations differently this year coz of the long holiday. 3) I planned to appoint meself as the unofficial camerawoman for the korban event.
"It would be so0o0oo cool."

To say I was excited was an understatement. I was really looking forward to immerse myself in the whole experience and bask in the celebration mood kampong style. Yey yey! I was sure I would appreciate every single minute of it. And so I began to strike dates off my calendar for the day for us to balik kampong even though it was the rainny season. It was raining, no, make that pouring, very heavily, every, single, day.

Honestly, I knew the trip wasn't going to happen but I was in denial and I pressed on and continued striking off dates. One morning, my mum made it official. An aunt from kampong called to say that it would be unwise (polite term for dumb) for us to come to Melaka in such a weather. Parts of M'sia were flooded anyways and there wasn't a way for us to go even if we wanted to. So that was that. Denial bubble burst. I wasn't too upset coz the skies didn't seem to wanna lighten up (pun so intended here), but I was still a wee bit disappointed.

A few days after, I was walking my way towards P Lebar station by the pathway below the train tracks after lunching with the family. When alone, too many unnecessary thoughts creep in and I tend to hang my head and focus on the concrete as I walk. This time a wift of bau kampong distracted me and I had to stop. Where is it coming from?..

I turned and saw this --->
A temporary Kandang kambing!! Woo hoo! =)

I braved the oh-so-muddy terrain/ground to get nearer and have a better look.
Lo and behold, inside the kandang laid.....

and more !!! heeeeeheeeehee!!!

I was so freakin' happeee! One thing came to mind almost immediately after setting my eyes on all those beautiful goats/sheeps/lambs, kambings/muttons: although I couldn't go to Melaka, Melaka made it's way down to Meeeee.... Syukur Alhamdullilah! Thank You!x3 And like a cherry on top, I had my digicam on me. Super duper sweet! I get to share the love.. :)
Point, click! Point, click! I was kindda nervous that I may be disturbing the resting sheep with the flashlight and they would run amok and start a stampede. So after each shot, I'd ssshhh them to go back lay down. It worked. =) Careful not to appear like a lost tourist, I hurried away after taking those quickie snapshots. Happiness.. :D

Selamat Hari Raya Haji semuer!! (Pls remember, i wrote this when there still was raya mood.)
We went to Ucu's house at Woodlands as a Plan B. That was nice. My grandma was there and it felt like Raya Aidilfitri instead for a while. I'm embarrased to say I didn't put too much emphasis on our holy festivals before. On the morn of Raya Aidilfitri, I looked forward to seek forgiveness in the early morning from each member of my family. That was how simple my way of "celebration" back then. Visiting relatives was a hassle I didn't want any part of, thank you. Aidil Adha's worse. I used to watch TV all day like it's just another normal day w/o any significance at all.. U so weak, Shah.

You can imagine how terribly fortunate and grateful I am for the chance to come together to pray as a jema'ah at my uncle's. Side by side with ppl I hold so close to my heart. (I still can't find that tissue...) I felt that that was the very 1st Aidil Adha I've experienced in my 26yrs. Syukur Alhamdullilah!
I am adamant in posting this entry because of the special meaning it holds for me.
Treasured memories.... I just know that I'll want to read this again someday.

:)

God is The Greatest!

Happy Shiny People

Before i start a-blabbing, I would like to give a big shout out to her majesty, Queen Q. Dunno whether she realises this, but she actually gave me the nudge I so desperately need to actually register this blogger acc, to stop tolerating Friendster screw-ups and to abandon Friendster blog forever! Hail the Queen! =D A special mention also to Yati for being the ever pleasant person she is. Truly I am in awe and touched that she actually acknowledged this lame request o'mine and even helped to look for blog skins and and stuff just to prettify this thing. Honestly, I dunno whether I would do the same if somebody else needs help in searching for blogskins. Maybe I'm not as nice as dear Yati is but i would like to think that I am just not interested in "fangcy fangcy" blog skins in the first place. (i seriously think it's the former reason though) After much searching, I ended up choosing this default template coz 1) it's fuss-free looking 2) easy to the eyes 3) I can actually see and read what I post w/o unnecessary distracting details in the form of a "fangcy" blogskin.
Simple layout for a simple Me. :-) Still, much appreciate yo'all. Thank you eh. :-)
I can now continue to jot my daily rituals, every minute lil' detail that holds significant meaning in my mundane life again. Yea yea!

Happy happy day for me when I finally found my 2 long-lost CDs, I Am Sam OST and Keane. The OST cd went missing since I moved house. 4 years ago! To think I searched high and low for it and it just materialised w/o me looking for it now. Ironies of life I call it. I'm listening to Strawberry Fields Forever as I'm typing this. :D Sweet!!! I adored the movie too. Sean Penn was absolutely amazing/convincing and I fell in love with that kid, Dakota Fanning (not so much now though), because of that movie. I remembered crying till I was gasping for breath. It is a very inspiring, will tug and yank ur heart strings sort o' story. Simply put, I was touched to tears. Plus it had a happy ending and I'm a sucker for happy endings. A must-watch sappy movie although not recommended for crybabies...
Ah, what the heck, go watch it.

Touching on happy happy joy joy stuff, I've gotta give another shout out to Evil Bunny for the most happee website ever that is, www.happeepill.com. Please note I've got the right to be bias here but it's not necessary for me to practise that right as it is indeed an awesome site. Must admit, the CNY cartoon clip was brilliant even for my brother. I loved it. Especially the way "year of the piggy" was said. Crack me up e-ve-ry single time. And the tak tarak tak tak... Tak tarak tak tak.. Dong jeng.. Dong jeng... Genious.
For the benefit of the unfortunates who have not witnessed said clip yet, go here -> http://www.happeepill.com/cartoons/chinewyear/chiny.htm
Again, please note I've got the right to be bias here but it's not necessary for me to practise that right yet again as it is indeed an awesome site. Way to go bro! Woo hooo! Insya Allah...

Since i've been in a very good mood lately and that includes today, albeit the many irritating calls that keep coming in by the same irritating individuals, asking the same bloody irritating qstns they have called in to ask before just 5 minutes ago, (wat gives? a call a minute! It's a wonder i can even write this entry and post this before 12mid. I logged out at 12.50am yesterday coz of this bugger, who cannot speak English well but tries, who also insisted on incorporating his company. I dun mind the not speaking english well part, heck i would choose to help an uneducated but relek ahpek than an obnoxious atas fool anyday. But come on man, 12.50AM. Sleep. Be normal. Go to bed like the rest of the world and incorporate your company tmr on a bright sunny day.. Think I've drifted too far and whined too much. This subject alone is another entry for another day. Come back Shah. Come back.) As I was saying, =) I would like to give a last shout out (i know...I mean to irritate) to my very own PCDs!!! I love you guys to bits for all the wrong reasons. You know who you are.
Saya.... amat berbahagia.......ketika...... bersama kamu kamu semuer. Syabas!
Stay kewl and funkaaay always! <- wat an ending.. :s haha.


p/s: Say NO to Friendster blog.