affected

i'm holding back tears. I feel like bawling my heart out but I can't. I'm at work. Colleagues asking me to cheer, to "look on the positive side of life", to perk up as "Friday's just round the corner".....
My lame comeback "by default, I'm like this ok. Some ppl are just not as perky as others".

It's hard to force a smile on my face.
I can just muster a non-frown and even that takes whole lot from me.

I just. want. to. disappear.

love me as u love them. pls.
or i just might end up....................................