Stop the EviL

Don't let anyone make you doubt your self-worth. Alas,lately, I'm not just letting anyone, I'm letting everyone make me feel that way. I'm way too sensitive for my own good. I guess when you are not given as fair a treatment as a child deserves, you have tendencies to focus on human behaviour and can easily pick up signals that that person is not being reasonable and prefers the other person than you. Heck, that's what the poor kid has to deal with day in, day out as result of "preferential" treatment from the oblivious parents. Poor thing... Come on man, I know first-hand how it's like. I remember it got so bad, that I wished I was an only child. The lonely nights I've cried silently as nobody understood or tried to understand me..... .............................
I dun wish to dwell on the past. But that doesn't mean I wanna let go of the past either. There's a lesson to be learnt and I am determined not to repeat that hurtful mistake. Bottom line, I have an acute ability to sense even a hint of sarcasm, rude behaviour, rivalry or as in this case, jealousy.

I am happier now. I couldn't imagine before how one person can make such an impact in your life that he's able to actually change the state of it. Ma dearest ma ayang is truly a God-send. I'm not just saying this because he's the person I'm married to. Not at all. I've never met anyone like MYG. Words genuinely cannot describe how he is to me. God Almighty has indeed answered my prayers for a person to guide me in this life and the next, and for that... Syukur Allhamdulillah!!!

What I'm abt to express here is raw but sadly, real. I sense my happiness may be the source of negative feelings from others. "She doesn't deserve him" or "Why can't I be with someone like that?" "I know I can make him happier because we're so alike... I'm such an ON person" and the best "He's better off with someone like.....ME." Oh, and "That dress would look so much nicer on me... If only I could fit into it!!!" DUH <- OK. The last one I just wanna add. Although it has no link to this particular case, but it's oh so friggin' apparent! I can see right thru you!!!!! Sick! Stop it laaaah... Stop the Evil!

Shocked? Told you it's raw. I dunno how else to put it, really. I realise I'm not the most tactful of all ppl but hey, why do I have to be the one who minds how others are feeling when others hurt me with the blantant disrespect to my existance. I'm freakin married man! He is my husband.
Back off. Friggin' common sense is not so common these days I guess.

Maybe you think I'm going bonkers. I let my insecurities get the best of me or simply put, I'm just being PERASAN. (ouch!) "Nobody thinks dat of you, Shah. We're all happy for you...." Really? I mean REALLY, really? Actions speak louder than words and no matter what you say, your actions really betray you this time!

I dun wanna point fingers. No one really knows what others are thinking but you can be certain of how you feel,though I understand nobody wants to admit it. To that person, I wanna say this: Know who you are. Act like your role and do not cross that faint line between being courteous and being flirty. It's a sight nobody wants to see. At risk of sounding boastful, your boat has passed. He is with me, not you. Deal with it. I pray for your happiness. The least you can do is be happy for me in return. Sincerely.




Editor's note: The fact the person stated above may or may not be able to read this entry is irrelevant.

p/s: need to upload pictures. PRONTO.