Jealous of you?

I can't even escape this reality world to pour out or act out ine the virtual one. "Ppl may think differently".... Gosh.

I've safeguarded this page tat is truly mine with a new password. No one has the access. Maybe till I finally returned to my Maker that I'll reveal the PW so you can then read my life like an openbook. Sigh...


I'm just recalling what happened 2 weeks ago, Crying till my eyes in the cab feeling numb after I screamed at poor mum. How I've done her wrong... It was a Wednesday night when we quarreled - all because I was 'jealous' of kakak. If the word JEALOUS had to be used, the yes I am jealous of her. But not because of what she has... what does she have? But because of what she can get away with and what I have to put up with.. all the way since we were lil' girls.

I have to put up being the invisble daughter. I have to put up with answering mak's call eventhough she called kakak's name to look for me. Nora is at the tip pf her tongue while shah was forgettable.
I had to put up with having her full-length picture hanging on the wall and all I got was a promise to get my picture done when I'm "older". When I do get older, I have to put up with having a 2 1 birthday cake eventhough I turned 16. Woe to me that I have to share my birthday with the popular one. Looking back, think that was the time when I vowed to myself to cut off any events in my life from the family. If they didn't want to pay attention to me, I didn't want the attention at all from them. That was the turning point to disaster for me... 16. I am a statictic.
I reject anyone who does not treat me fairly. I bear a grudge so difficult to let...
They see me being unable to kena sikit but what they dunno is this unfair treatment is deeply rooted in me that I will react the only way I know how - bear a rudge against this evil act of preferantial treatment and injustice.


I dunno what kind of parent I'll be. I don't even know what kind of person I am now.
Life is too hard for me....